My Way!
Professional Career vs Professional Parenthood
My Way. Illustration by Ira Jaaska.
Penelope felt the true meaning of unconditional love when she became a mum.
She discovered that her friends and colleagues were right when they had forewarned her that on the day she gave birth and held her bundle of joy, her outlook on life would change 180 degrees!
At the time, Penelope was well immersed into her career. She couldn't imagine herself not working; ever! The idea of sitting at home and doing what she thought at the time was “nothing” sounded totally alien to her. She continued to work relentlessly throughout her pregnancy until her belly grew large enough to distance her sufficiently from her computer screen and the virtual world behind it.
On the day her son was born, Penelope's World did indeed change forever. As she lovingly gazed down on her son she wondered in secret if her heart had literally grown in size! She felt an overflowing love for him. So small! So vulnerable! So in need of her!
It's fair to say that she had no notion of time. For the first couple of months, her life revolved around feeding time, changing nappies, holding him close, and looking for slots of time to get some sleep. Her only concern was “how can I best serve my son's needs?” and the only thing she never got around to doing was “nothing”.
Penelope’s friends, family, colleagues, neighbors, and basically anyone and everyone she spoke to at the time, had strong opinions on whether and when she should go back to work. The advice was dependent on each person’s personal experience, culture, upbringing and where they were in life at that very moment. It was in many ways their personal projection to the situation that Penelope found herself in.
There were people who didn't have the choice and had had to go back to work for financial reasons. Others felt a sense of regret today for the personal choices they had made at the time.
Penelope spent a lot of time reflecting and considering her options. As soon as she chose to go back to work part-time, she faced several challenges:
To find a part-time job.
A job that she found interesting.
To accept that she had to compromise and take a position with less responsibility than before.
The challenge she hadn't prepared herself for was the tsunami of opinions that would flood her following her decision! Everyone had something to say:
Those who were career minded thought she was compromising herself by giving up her previous experience, her investment in her studies, and her previous status by taking a job which didn't stretch her and seemed insignificant compared to her previous position.
Those who were stay at home parents thought it was too early to go back and she was being inconsiderate to her child. Some even called her selfish!
Her husband thought the role she took was way below her level, and the low income did not justify all the inconveniences the role brought.
At work, they thought she could do more hours.
Penelope felt ostracized and challenged in more than one way. Trying to keep all the plates spinning was exhausting. There was that judgmental voice that at times asked her: “Am I a good mum? Am I a good employee? Maybe I should work longer? Maybe I am not adding enough value? Am I present enough for my child? Should I prioritize my husband's career, since I am working part-time?”
Overtime, she came to the realization that her identity was evolving. She had chosen a model that best suited her and was aligned with her personal values. Penelope felt fulfilled and was convinced that if she kept going with her own set of beliefs,it would all work out in the end.
Staying at home, going back to work 100% or working part time, each option comes with its own set of challenges and privileges. What makes the journey smoother is knowing what model is aligned with your personal values.
Everyone has an opinion on how life should be lived once you are a parent; what is your opinion?
What memories would you like to collect from this chapter in your life?
There is no “one way” in parenthood. There can only be your way.
“My Way” -Frank Sinatra
