Neither This Nor That!
Cultural diversification: I am going to change forever.
When I was 10 years old, I moved from Iran to the UK. I left Tehran with the sound of bombs echoing around me, and arrived in London to the sound of Stevie Wonder - “I just called to say I love you”!
As a talkative child, I would sometimes go as far as skipping a breath or two just so I wouldn't miss out on saying the words that were bubbling through my mind. Going from that to not being able to say anything except "Hello!" or "How do you do?" was as close to suffocation as I could have gotten.
I was hopeless at reading the body language of English people. I was accustomed to the way Iranian people expressed themselves, through the frequent movement of their hands and facial feature as they spoke. The emotional charge in the conversations is apparent through clear intonation, gestures and changes in the melody of their voice. At times, it can be challenging for a non-Iranian to determine whether the discussion is in fact an argument, excitement or simply a topical debate about the news! So, just like that I ended up in a forced silent retreat!
But all was not lost! The TV programs were amazing in the UK. There was Knight Rider with the indestructible car KITT that COULD speak English (so there was hope for me) and Mr. T from The A-Team, who wore more jewelry than the Iranian woman in the bazaar! And then there was the piece de resistance - Baywatch!
I was educated very fast, in more than one way, simply by watching TV. Secretly, I rationalized that maybe I could rely solely on watching as opposed to actually speaking.
Except, children can be cruel and after a few weeks I realized if I was going to stand up for my rights then I had better learn English, fast.
I had to adapt and what they called ‘Integrate’ in the new culture and mindset. And so I started making a personal list of survival rules to help me through school:
Rule No 1:
I must write my homework in my workbooks from left to right, the teachers do not check the back of the book. English is written from left to right as opposed to Farsi, which is written right to left. What is considered the front of the book in Farsi, is the back of the book in English.
Rule No 2:
I must not jump out of my seat and stand up when the teacher walks in. It is not considered polite or respectful, in fact the teachers get scared here.
Rule No 3:
I must not do “Taarof” with my lunch. Taarof is an Iranian etiquette, to offer what you have to others several times, anticipating first a decline followed by politely taking a small portion. If I continue to offer my lunch, I will remain hungry everyday, because no one Taarofs their lunch back to me!
Rule No 4:
To integrate, it's nice to take up the country's tradition. I particularly like Christmas (Father Christmas brings gifts) and Easter (we get chocolates). We could avoid some occasions such as Lent (no chocolates, fasting). To retain our roots, it's nice to still keep our own culture such as Norouz (Iranian new year - we get gifts and have delicious food. Plus elders give gifts to youngsters.)
Rule No 5:
At all times I must carry an umbrella.
Rule No 6:
I can make small talk the British way, i.e. the weather is a favorite topic, because it is highly dramatic, unpredictable and impacts everyone. Full blown political debates are not on the agenda in public transport. In Tehran, one way to learn about current affairs is to remain in a public taxi from the Bazaar all the way to the North. The driver aims to have 5 passengers (2 at the front seat) in the car, at all times. Irrespective of the continuous change of passengers along the way, the topic of interest flows unaffected and people simply add their view whilst the driver moderates the discussion.
Rule No 7:
I must respect the queue here. There are queues for everything and they are in a straight line as opposed to a cluster.
Rule No 8:
I must practice how I ask for a piece of “sheet” from the teacher in class. If I don't pull the e, it will sound like an i leading to me getting held back for bad language after school.
Rule No 9:
I have the right to exercise my freedom even though I am a kid. However, when I turn 16, my parents also have the right to exercise their rights and tell me to pull my weight inside and outside of the house and become fully independent. Children don't get to live with their parents indefinitely here.
Rule No 10:
As I grow up, I can shape my identity by choosing what I want to keep from my culture of origin versus what I would like to adapt to integrate and grow. This is impacted by the context, environment and consequences. This is a tough rule, since I have noticed there are at times significant cultural differences between the West and the East. Consequently, I am bound to deviate from cultural and social norms either way and evolve into a hybrid. Perhaps I will become a perpetual foreigner in either country.
Going from one culture to another is challenging for anyone irrespective of age. Perhaps what makes it easier in the long run for a child is their openness to adapt and their willingness to search for the positive intention behind the newness. When children look up at the sky, they notice the stars and they see that they still remain the same.
What can my experience with the new culture teach me about my own identity?
What are my core values that remain the same?
What steps am I willing to take to adapt and integrate?
How can you invite diversity into your culture?
“If art is to nourish the roots of our culture, society must set the artist free to follow his vision wherever it takes him.”
- John F. kennedy
