Empowerment

Three Questions!

Nico walked into the sitting room, stomping his feet angrily and sank into the sofa crossing his arms.  Sweat was trickling down his red little face.  Breathing heavily,  he stared at the TV screen absentmindedly.

Martha knew her son must have quarrelled at the playground. As Nico was getting older, she made a conscious effort not to interfere in his disputes with his friends.  He had to learn how to handle a situation on his own and if needed how to protect or to defend himself. Though Martha tried to present a calm and confident stance, secretly she was worried of the fights the boys might get into whilst playing football or intensely negotiating over Panini football stickers & cards.

Nico didn't like conflict and often walked away from noisy places or fights. Even as a toddler he had preferred to give up a toy and find something else to play with than to fight over it. Frequently, he would bemoan to his mum about the unfairness he experienced at school.  The teachers didn't spot the fights in a timely manner and the same kids who didn't hesitate to throw, push or shove others down on a consistent basis, seemed to get away with it all. Martha would sit with her son and try her best to give him suggestions on what he can do. He would listen eagerly, only to come back home the next day to declare that this approach, too, was a waste of time.

Martha, gently walked over to her son and sat next to him on the sofa. She wanted to make everything go away for him but she felt helpless.  Afterall, she couldn't be with him all the time. 

Martha: “Are you ok?”

Keeping his gaze sternly at the TV screen, Nico complained:  “I am tired and you are going to ask me lots of questions.”

Martha: “If you like to talk, I promise to ask only THREE questions. But only, if you want.”

Nico: “JUST three questions.”

Martha: “Alright. What happened?”

Nico took a deep breath and instantly launched to explain enthusiastically the sequence of events: “We were playing football. I was the referee and when David scored a goal and I said it's offsite, he got angry.  He started to push me when he realized I wasn't going to count it as a goal.  I remembered my teacher’s motto that “two wrongs don't make a right”, so I did not push him back. BUT,  I did give him a yellow card and that’s when he got REALLY angry!”

Nico turned around and looked at his mum.  His little face seemed even redder as he continued: “SO, What HAPPENED is that allowing one wrong is not fair and your suggestion of asking questions does NOT work when someone is REAL MAD!!  In Fact, if I had asked how do you feel, he would have shown me by landing a punch straight in my face. So I did it MY way.”

Martha asked curiously:  “What did you do?”

Demonstrating Nico continued: “I stretched both my hands out straight in front of me to push him away. I looked him straight in the eyes and told him: STOP or I WILL give you a red card. And you know what mum, it worked!!!  David just stood there looking at me.  I think he was surprised and was thinking about what to do.  Then I realized I needed to walk away because I was really upset too and I wanted to cool down. So I left.”

Nico leaned back and placed both his hands leisurely behind his head: “I think my way works better mum!  It's a different ball game in the playground with boys. You don't get it.”

Martha: “Wow, it sounds like you got it all sorted it out. I am proud of you.  Good job! What will you do now?”

Nico: “That's your third question.”

Martha smiles: “It is.”

Nico:  “Well now, I am going to finish my drink. Watch a short episode of my favorite comedy and then I am going back. I like being a referee and I am not going to let anyone push me out of what I like.”

Martha got up, placed a kiss on her son's forehead, confident that Nico had it all under control.  What a relief!

• Personal:

  • How do you balance empowerment versus guidance and advice giving?

  • What is the difference between feeling self confident and self empowered?

  • How do you make the shift to self empowerment?

• Parenting:

  • How can values best be taught to children?

• Organisation:

  • How is empowerment advocated by leadership in your organisation and what is your role in shaping that journey?

“The greatest gifts you can give your children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence.”

- Denis Waitley