Defying Expectations

Venture Further Smartly

The older Loveta got, the more restricted she felt in her pack.  Though her mother had brought her up to be independent, she had equally drilled in the importance of respecting the order of the pack and not going against it.

Mother Wolf: “You must learn to stand on your own, but never go against Udolf.  He is powerful and obeyed by the pack.“

Loveta: “But mother, Udolf is not a fair leader. He is a bully who uses his position to subjugate others.  I don't like being subservient.”

Mother Wolf: “Then stay out of his way. Do as you like but don't rub it in his face.  He is vengeful. Being rebellious is different to being reckless.”

Though Loveta didn't like the way Udolf treated others, she followed her mother’s advice not to provoke or oppose him blatantly. She minded her own business until one day fate placed the leader of the pack firmly in her way.

Udolf's piercing eyes were fixed on Loveta with displeasure. It was obvious he did not intend to negotiate but rather to mark his territory: “It was my clear instructions that no-one crosses the river. You have disobeyed me”.

The air felt heavy in Udolfs presence and although Loveta could feel her heart beating faster, she objected through clenched teeth: “I don't understand! Why am I not allowed to cross the river?” 

Udolf smirked and notching his voice louder declared: “Because I have TOLD you and others not to. Perhaps you believe you are the exception! Or maybe you hold yourself in higher regard than everyone else! It seems they have a point that you enjoy making it all about you.”

Loveta felt Udolf's condescending voice wash over her. What did he mean by “everyone else!” How had the conversation suddenly shifted focus to her versus others?!  

Loveta: “What does crossing over have to do with being smarter than … ”. Before she had a chance to finish her question, Udolf shifted his gaze away and with an air of boredom and contempt started to walk off. Clearly, this was meant to be a one way dialogue.

Loveta found herself ruminating over what Udolf had insinuated - that there were “others” who were displeased with her.  Who were they? She had to find out.

In the next few days Loveta forgot about her own plans and progress. She spent time trying to investigate Udolf’s accusations against her, only to find out no one had a clue what she was talking about. 

Udolf was pleased that his tactic to make Loveta doubt herself and others had worked. However, in light of Lovelta’s persistence to continue crossing the river, Udolf grandiosity was challenged. This was his Achilles heel.

Udolf fumed internally: “ How dare she consider herself worthy of more than he believed she was worthy of?”

Since, he knew that the pack liked Loveta, he had no intention of giving her more attention nor to make a martyr out of her. But he did have a cunning plan.

This time, Udfol started to plant seeds of doubt about her to others, and projected his own insecurities onto Loveta’s character. Slowly the poisonous thoughts crept into others mind and the more they searched and looked at Loveta through a negative lens, the more negativity they found.

Mother Wolf: “Udolf is scheming and has climbed his way up ruthlessly.  He has no empathy nor a moral compass. Lovelta, you were always destined to lose against such a man. The only way to win at his game is to become like him. But then you have lost on a much higher scale.  Think carefully about what is your ultimate destination and choose your next steps carefully. Invest your energy wisely and think long term.” 

Lovelta felt utterly disappointed and disheartened.  She would never have believed that some members of the pack could so quickly disregard her without giving her the benefit of the doubt. Being accepted by Udolf and safeguarding their own position was a priority for them. Others who did believe her were so scared of Udolf, that they encouraged Loveta to let go. Although Loveta was willing to let go of Udolf, she didn't want to let go of her inner beliefs. What would she be left with if she gave her freewill to another?

After much consideration, Loveta knew that staying and conforming silently was not an option for her.  Either she had to place much effort to stay and rebel against him or she could create a free life out of this pack.  

The next morning Loveta kissed her mother farewell and left. It was not an easy decision, she was well aware that without the help of the pack, hunting was going to be challenging. Being a lone wolf was going to be dangerous and lonely. 

As Loveta searched for a new territory, she spent the days foraging for food and in her loneliness she would howl hoping another wolf would hear her. It wasn't long till Loveta came across Osouf. Loveta took an instant liking to him and soon they were friends who helped each other hunt and had similar values. A year down the line, life had taken a turn and Loveta was happier than before living a free life and having created a pack of her own where they respected each other but had no need to instill unconditional conformity to retain hierarchical power.

• Personal:

  • How do you determine when conformity is towards collective growth vs fear of change or failure?

  • How can fear be channeled to help us towards our personal growth?

  • What strategies do you use to influence other people?

• Parenting

  • How can we convey our life experiences to the next generation without projecting our own fear or personal limitations?

  • How much mentoring and guidance is optimal before it turns into restrictions and disempowerment?

• Organization

  • What role do you choose to play in an organization when your moral compass is challenged?

    • How do you generate options?

    • What options are within your control?

    • Which option meets your desired outcome without sacrificing your values?

“The opposite for courage is not cowardice, it is conformity. Even a dead fish can go with the flow.”

- Jim Hightower.